Many people have their experience when they speak, people don’t listen to them. There are a number of habits that Julian Treasure suggests us to move away from that he calls it as ‘Seven Deadly Sins of Speaking.’
Speaking ill of somebody who is not present. Julian says that it is not a nice habit because the person gossiping, five minutes later, will be gossiping about us. Allen Wagner, a Los Angeles- and Calabasas-based marriage and family therapist says “people who gossip tend to use this tool as a way to elevate their own status, and project superiority over the person in question” (Forbes, March 16, 2015).
Julian feels that it is very hard to listen to somebody if you know that you are being judged and found wanting at the same time. A psychologist, Carl Rogers once said that “one of the major blocks to interpersonal communication lies in our very natural tendency to judge–to approve or disapprove of the statements of the other person.”
It is hard to listen to listen when somebody is negative. Angel Chernoff says that who you spend your time with has a great impact on you.
“If you are around cynical and negative people all the time, you will become cynical and negative,” Chernoff states on her site.
Julian states that complaining is another form of negativity. It is a viral misery that is not spreading sunshine and lightness in the world. Jessica Stillman on Inc.com shares that complaining is bad for others’ and your mood, brain and health. Travis Bradberry on Entrepreneur.com also shares the same idea.
“When you repeat a behavior, such as complaining, your neurons branch out to each other to ease the flow of information. This makes it much easier to repeat that behavior in the future — so easy, in fact, that you might not even realize you’re doing it,” Travis reported.
“Some people have a blame-thrower. They just pass it on to everybody else and don’t take any responsibility for their actions and it is hard to listen to somebody who is being like that,” Julian shares. According to Ehow.com as quoted in Daimanuel.com, excuses are a common psychological method of shifting blame and keeping the self-image intact when faced with negative feedback. There are strong emotional pressures that motivate our excuse making. Responsibility and positive self-esteem are key in reducing the need for excuses in our psychology.
Exaggeration is defined as an act of enlarging or increasing especially beyond the normal. Julian states that exaggeration can become lying and humans do not listen to people we know are lying to us.
Julian sees dogmatism as the confusion of facts and opinions. When those two things get conflated, you are listening into the wind. Somebody is bombarding you with their opinions as if they were true and it is hard to listen to dogmatism.
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